Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
