the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
