she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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