just tell him i said nine months
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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