God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
