We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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