Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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I made him laugh his dick is mine
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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