I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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