So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
