So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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