We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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