Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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