kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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