But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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