What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
