Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
