So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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