He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
