she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
pray to the hookup gods
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
