im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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