you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
