a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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