I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
