She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
