i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
