She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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