So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
