there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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