I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
