when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
