i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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