Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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