he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
