I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
