dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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