I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just invented taco cereal.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
