The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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