First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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