Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
