Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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