made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
