so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You are the jesus of drinking
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
