Moan for me like Helen Keller
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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