she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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