Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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