I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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