No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
