Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How does one acquire holy water?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
