...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
