Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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