"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
