The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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