she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You should frame my arrest warrant.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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