you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
