You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The Olympian is in my bed
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