Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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