I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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