We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
