You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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