I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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