id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
