look no pants
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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