well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
