I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
