I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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