Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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