I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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