I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
