You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
