So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
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my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.