Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

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  (262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum
  Replies (36) Good night (10699) Bad night (937)
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  (742): View more from

  What happened last night?

  (1-742): View more from

  You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.

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  (742): What happened last night? (1-742): You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth. http://tfl.nu/koqa
  Replies (5) Good night (840) Bad night (4871)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..

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  (613): You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon.. http://tfl.nu/gnh9
  Replies (16) Good night (729) Bad night (5184)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

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  (516): She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?" http://tfl.nu/g36q
  Replies (14) Good night (5874) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink

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  (510): You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink http://tfl.nu/uf46
  Replies (3) Good night (2896) Bad night (838)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.

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  (309): they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy. http://tfl.nu/yj0s
  Replies (5) Good night (4040) Bad night (1478)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.

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  (856): I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy. http://tfl.nu/827v
  Replies (4) Good night (1118) Bad night (1094)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?

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  (283): by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours? http://tfl.nu/2a7f
  Replies (6) Good night (1937) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  Best Friends For Life.

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  (815): You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub. (1-815): Best Friends For Life. http://tfl.nu/ev62
  Replies (7) Good night (3448) Bad night (628)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  He smells so good today

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.

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  (641): He smells so good today (1-641): Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit. http://tfl.nu/5jte
  Replies (13) Good night (2127) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...

  (804): View more from Virginia

  It's called: a legit place to drop acid.

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  (201): What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage... (804): It's called: a legit place to drop acid. http://tfl.nu/crqc
  Replies (4) Good night (1233) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
  Replies (7) Good night (694) Bad night (1172)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I won't be able to get a boner for a month

  (916): View more from California

  Challenge accepted.

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  (831): I won't be able to get a boner for a month (916): Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/ivke
  Replies (3) Good night (1277) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat

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  (717): Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat http://tfl.nu/0lcr
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning

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  (716): Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning http://tfl.nu/4lcz
  Replies (2) Good night (337) Bad night (596)

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