Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.