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I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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