he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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